daniel smith

Ingredients

• One large conductor, or two small assistant conductors
• Ketchup
• 26 large cloves of garlic
• Lard
• 1 cask of cheap wine
• 1 pound of bean sprouts
• (honey)
• 2 pounds of yuppie food such as tofu or yoghurt
• 1 abused orchestra

Method

1. Catch a conductor. Remove tails and horns. Carefully separate the large ego and reserve for sauce.
2. Remove any batons, pencils (on permanent loan from the Principle Second Violin) and articulations, and discard.
3. Remove hearing aid and discard (it never worked anyway). Examine your conductor carefully - many of them are mostly large intestine. If you have such a conductor, you will have to discard it and catch another.
4. Clean conductor as you would a squid, but do not separate the tentacles from the body. If it’s a good quality conductor such as from a major symphony orchestra you may wish to make it more tender by pounding the conductor on a rock with timpani mallets or by smashing the conductor between two large cymbals.
5. Pour 1/2 of the cask of wine into a bath tub and soak the conductor in wine for at least 12 hours.
6. When the conductor is sufficiently marinated remove any clothes the conductor may be wearing and rub it all over with the garlic.
7. Cover your conductor with the lard using vague slow circulating motions. Take care to ensure that every inch is covered.
8. Take your orchestra and put as much music out as the stands will hold without falling over, and make sure that there are lots of really loud passages for everyone, big loud chords for the winds and brass, and lots and lots of tremolos for the strings (Bruckner might be appropriate)
9. Rehearse these passages several times, making certain that the brass and winds are always playing as loud as they can, and that the strings are tremolo-ing at their highest speed. This should ensure adequate flames for cooking your conductor, if not, insist on taking every repeat and to be sure to add the second repeats in really large symphonies. If taking all the repeats does not generate sufficient flames, burn the complete set of scores and parts to all of the Bruckner symphonies.
10. When the flames have dies down to a medium inferno, place your conductor on top of the orchestra (they won’t mind as they are used to it) until it is well tanned, the hair turns back to its natural colour, and all of the fat has dripped out.
11. Be careful not to overcook or your conductor could end up tasting like stuffed ham.
12. Make a sauce by combining the ego, sprouts, and ketchup to taste, placing it all in the blender, and pureeing until smooth.
13. If the ego is bitter, sweeten with honey to taste.
14. Slice your conductor as you would with any turkey.
15. Serve accompanied by the yuppie food, and the remaining wine with the sauce on the side.

Today I witnessed a meeting of two major corporations trying to merge together, one from Australia and one from the UK - their members voting for or against the merger (well, the UK company buying out the Australian one). Always the argument presented was that the merger would benefit the members. It was funny that the vote meeting was even held, the decision had already been made! What a pathetic waste of time. After this, reading the newspaper, two of Australia’s biggest banks are planning the same thing. What happens ten years down the track when these super-companies merge with other super-companies. Let’s see if democracy still exists then.

Right now I’m going 1022km/hr. Just over five hours out of Rome, over the United Arab Emirates. After two months in bella Roma working with two of the most famous operas in the world, Puccini’s Fanciulla del West (Girl of the Golden West) and Tosca, it’s time to head back Down Under to prepare for a very exciting next 7 months. Soon, more information will be released but it includes conducting the complete symphonies of Beethoven and Brahms! Closing night was a huge success for Tosca (there are some photos below!) and on my last night in Rome, I witnessed a magnificent performance of Beethoven’s 9th Symphony with the Orchestra of St. Cecilia, the main symphony orchestra of Rome. As I make the 24-hour flight back to Australia with plenty of time to reminisce about the past months, I think of how lucky I am to be able to have achieved what I have, see what I see, and have the friends and family that I have. Thank you everyone, every day gets more exciting :D

I can’t believe how many students come to watch the opera here. When I asked how much they pay, the answer was €3,00. That’s about AUD$5.00! The theatre was completely full. What they don’t sell to the public three days before a concert goes to the students at these prices or late sales. Why Australian performances don’t do this, I really don’t know! It fills the hall (benefits everyone) using seats that were probably not going to be used anyway, educates the youth (benefits everyone) & creates a new audience for the future (benefits everyone). In Sydney, most student rush (if at all) is only available one hour prior to a performance so that often you must leave home before even knowing if tickets are available and these tickets are usually around AUD$25. Add parking at around AUD$25-$30 and find a student who can afford this. The marketing for this student rush in Italy is also brilliant. There are no restrictions on seating, it’s best available so sometimes you’ll end up with seats past Jupiter and other times you’ll be write down in the centre. The hype surrounding these full houses is incredible and has made the demand for normal tickets rise also. Brilliant! The preview is out for The Tower of Druaga I recorded the soundtrack for a few months ago, take a look! :)

Tonight, opening night of Puccini’s Tosca! A few hours to go before jumping into my tux, doing the hair, eyebrows, nostril hairs… well, not quite! This is really a most magnificent production (of any opera I have ever worked on or seen!). I wish it could come to Australia but with a set 6 stories high (including 2 stories underneath the stage for a massive surprise), it just wouldn’t fit in the theatres of Sydney! I have never seen a set or staging like this from any opera or musical production I have ever witnessed. Bravo Maestro Zeffirelli (again)! Of course, the complete production has sold out (including the rehearsal they opened up to the public!). Alas, I have less than a week left in this brilliant empire of Rome. I’m going to miss it, though my stomach says otherwise of my cooking - personally I think it’s ungrateful :P Here is a video from Tosca! Enjoy!

Thank you very much to everyone for all your messages and emails. This year is certainly shaping up to be the most exciting yet! Today, however, I am very saddened by the passing of a great friend, and amazing person, Kathy Thiele. The most beautiful person I have ever met; and someone who made me take notice of the big picture, in my career, and in my life - another person who lived with music and even worked for the Sydney Symphony in its beginnings. I think she was extraordinary.

Today it is an extreme honour for me to announce receiving an amazing award for conducting from the Australian Council for the Arts. After working very hard for the last years (and even at those times when it does get too hard), this is hugely exciting and a great inspiration for me and for Australian music. This prize has enabled me to make some wonderful advancement internationally so stay tuned! Thank you to the Australian Council for the Arts and to the Sydney Symphony for your recommendations. You see, success comes in many forms - I would like to present to you below, my lasagna. Although it looks like two old ladies’ bikinis having been in the sun too long… ok, it tasted as bad as it looks :)

Tonight is closing night for Puccini’s Fanciulla del West here in Rome. After working on this score and production every day for the last month, I’m not sure how I feel that come tomorrow, the score will no longer be sitting on my desk. However, in place of a holiday (or even a weekend off), Puccini’s Tosca will be sitting there instead. Really, this cast has been absolutely superb, all of them - it is difficult to make me sit up and take notice normally, but every night with this production, I’m almost glued to the chair infront. I’ve included another video below of the production. This time, some excerpts of Signora Daniela Dessi. What an absolutely stunning and powerful voice! Brava! After my exciting moment in the kitchen the other night, I have decided to brave the elements (sorry, bad pun) an try to assemble a lasagna. Stay tuned for some very exciting news next time! Daniel :)